To Build Some Perspective

... go to a cemetery.  I must admit, I have been in a semi funk lately.  Medical bills from my arm thing are rolling on in plus we had a fairly expensive winter.  It is just frustrating to think that little nest egg we had is not so much anymore.  I was again feeling sorry for myself this morning as Chad had to pay his passport fee for his mission trip this summer...

...and then Bennett and I decided to go by and visit GrandpaGordie's grave spot.  It was GrandpaGordie's birthday yesterday.  I had fully intended to take the boys and go release balloons but EVERY SINGLE night this week is slammed with activities... like multiple activities every night.

Bennett squatting down looking at GrandpaGordie's grave spot.  I like the flower and flags GrandmaDean!

Despite the busy schedule, Bennett and I went to the cemetery this morning.  I bought two balloons and let Bennett release one and then let the older 3 release one when they got home from school.  I love the logic of children.  I was thinking it was a sweet gesture, but it totally went over Ashton and Shepherd's heads that we were giving a balloon to someone that had died.  When I told Shepherd that he was going to actually let it go for GrandpaGordie's birthday, he matter of factly said, "but he is dead." I tried to then explain symbolism.

Bennett getting ready to let go of the balloon.  He thought it was so funny floating away.

Has this sign always been here?  Obviously, we didnt obey it.

He loved feeding the ducks as well. But honestly would have been happy going around and watching all the "tractors" mowing the grass around the cemetery.  This kid LOVES tractors or any moving machine that makes noise.

It was just what I needed.  I gained some perspective.
1- I still have a fully functioning arm that has no cancer.  My arm may have a scar and I may be paying for it for a while but that is all it is... a scar.
2- Though our cars are old, they are still running.  They may need new tires and belts and other things that I cant remember that cost so much but they are running.
3- My husband has the opportunity to serve in another country.  Chad gets to go teach Polish men about football and God for a week this summer.  Yeah, it is pretty expensive, but we are trusting in God's faithfulness.
4- I have never had to bury a child, a parent, or a spouse.  I looked around the graveyard today and realize how easily it could be me that someone is visiting or one of my kids that I am visiting.  This money stuff is so small in the big picture.  I just found out this week that on Sunday, a guy that I played soccer with in college was killed by a drunk driver.  He left behind a wife and 2 young children.  How easily could it directly affect me?
5-  You dont ever really outgrow feeding ducks.  It really is therapeutic.

The older 3 releasing the 2nd balloon.

Balloon number 2 flying off.

Though I didnt expect to "make a memory" today, I did.  I learned a continuing lesson in thankfulness.  It really is a quest- to find joy- to experience His graces day in and day out.

Happy Happy Birthday GrandpaGordie!  We love you and still miss you!

All of a Sudden, I'm a a Mom

You may be thinking, "Hannah, of course you are a mom and you have been for nearly 10 years."

But the truth is, I have been a Mommy for nearly 10 years.  I asked Hunter a few months ago if his friends referred to their moms as "mom" or "mommy."  Whether he pondered that thought or he just decided to shorten it to mom, I will never know.  But, I am now Mom.

I didnt anticipate how quickly the shortening from Mommy to Mom would happen with the middle two.  Ashton and Shepherd now call me Mom at least half of the time.  Often beginning with "Mommy" and then quickly correcting themselves and shortening it to "Mom."  It sounds so grown up coming from the mouth of a 5 year old.

Thankfully, I have little Bennett who will still "MAMAs" me to death and who will surely call me mommy for at least a small time, but the olders have moved onto the grown up form of my name.  The name they will probably call me for the rest of their life.

Mother's Day 2015
Again I say, one day- one day, I will get a great picture of all of us together..but that mean would Shepherd would have to not be goofy and Ashton would have to not be mad... Until then.

This mother's day I was struck with how great a responsibility being a mom really is.  I have been entrusted with 4!  4!  future men.  So many choices in front of them.  So many turns.  So many paths.  No matter their mess ups, their happy days and sad, I want them to know that this mom has their back.

I have to admit, I kind of like this new phase of being MOM.

Boys, I love you all so much.  Thanks for making me a mom/ mommy/ mama.

Hunter and the Guitar

Hunter started taking guitar lessons at the beginning of the school year.  His school has a program called E3 (E cubed) that focuses on the arts.  He has learned a good bit this year.  It was pricey though... $80 a month so I dont think we are going to do it next year (maybe when I go back to work).

Playing "Hopelessly Devoted to You" with his guitar teacher.

Taking a bow after his song.

The E3 students had their end of year program Tuesday night featuring Broadway music.  Piano, guitar, dance, tap (boys), and Soaring Singers (the 4th and 5th grade chorus) all preformed.

I just had to take a picture of the Tap Puppies (all boys tap) preforming to Newsies!  I love some Newsies.  It was actually really cute.  

Hunter did a really good job.  Ashton recorded it on the iPad but it is too long to put on the blog.

Hunter with his very pretty guitar teacher, Ms Kelsey.

Hunter and me after the program.  Quality stinks because the camera died and had to use my phone.

Hunter also did 3rd choir this year and think he will probably do the Soaring Singers next year.  Good job Hunter!  I hope that you continue to love music... super proud of you.  Since Ashton is also wanting to learn to play something, I have agreed to try and teach Ashton and Hunter how to play the piano/ read music.  We will see how it goes.

My Tumor Made it to Harvard

Last Monday, I had my surgery to remove the mass/ tumor on my forearm.  The hardest part of the recovery is obeying the doctor's orders of not lifting more than 5 lbs with my left arm for 3 weeks.  Chad went with me while my mom had the kids.  The doctors, nurses, and the hospital in general were wonderful.

Before 

After- This is 7 days post surgery.

Yesterday (Wednesday), I had my follow up appointment.  As I sit in the waiting room of a cancer center, I cant help but be a bit emotional.  I look around at all different types of people- young old, black, white, male, female, crazy, normal- cancer sucks.  I see a couple where the husband goes back and the wife sits in the waiting room just whispering "yes Jesus" every couple minutes.  Her husband comes out about 30 minutes later saying everything looks good and it hasnt come back.  They leave smiling.  I see two women waiting on their friend to get some results- laughing with her keeping spirits high.  I see a daughter sit with her elderly mother and constantly tell her to "shh, you are talking to loud" as her elderly mother confirms that it is the cancer meds that are "messing up her bowels" and the doctor recommended "doubling up on the stool softener."

I think a couple things as I sit...
1- Life is really a snippets of smiles and tears.
2- Hard times really do make the happy times that much better.
3- We are made to do life together.
4- Laughter goes a long way.

Onto the title of this post, as the doctor came in and looked at arm, he confirmed that the pathology report was not cancer.  Praise!  They were able to tell that this tumor began in the lining of a nerve in the nervous system of my arm which is SUPER rare.  They sent the tumor to Harvard Medical School, to a doctor who specializes in this type of tumor, to examine it and give them some feedback on what they were looking at. This doctor actually thanked them for sending him my "excision."  So, technically, I was accepted into Harvard.

Both of arms (again a week after surgery).  You think they had a hard time finding a vein for the iv?  

Basically, this tumor was a soft tissue perineurioma.  If you google that, the only thing that comes up is medical journal articles- no web md, no wikipedia.  So again, super rare.

The news gets even better from this specialist as he states that there was nothing in this tumor that was worrisome for malignancy, local recurrence for this type of lesion is very uncommon, and no further treatment is necessary at this time.  So, my tumor might be famous, who knows?  You may see him/ her/ it in a medical journal.  ha.

My incision is healing but is really tight where they had to pull my skin together after having to take a long strip out of it.  No complaints from me though.  I am literally going to have a permanent reminder every time that I look down at my arm to not sweat the small stuff.

So, All's Good.

All is truly grace.